Welcome to Raw Roundup, where I watch Raw so you don’t have to. Firstly, apologies for the lack of last week’s article but I’ll give you the cliff notes right now. SHANE O MAC IS SHANE O BACK! That’s right, the prodigal son returned to WWE after 6 years away to take umbrage with how his father and sister have been running the company. A match was set for Shane at Wrestlemania, if he wins he gets control of Raw, if he loses Vince gets… something. Oh and Shane’s opponent? The Undertaker. In a Hell in a Cell match. Great googly moogly. Triple H beat down Roman Reigns and thus became the biggest babyface in the company, it was pretty cool. With that out of the way, let’s get on to this week.
Curtains up, Triple H is out to start the show. H talks about the Authority and how great they are, and talks shit about Roman, gloating about injuring him. Ambrose interrupts and tries to put over Reigns. Ambrose challenges to Trips to a title match and when Trips tries to respond the crowd starts chanting “You can’t beat him”. H says he’ll have an answer for Dean by the end of the night, but tonight he’s facing Del Rio in the main event.
Becky Lynch vs Sasha Banks (#1 Contenders Match)
Charlotte and her drunk dad are at ringside for this one. The two have a great match as per usual, there’s some terrific back and forth action. Eventually Sasha hits a sunset flip and then passes out? Whatever that was supposed to be, neither can answer the referee’s count, and the match is a no contest.
Bray Wyatt says some stuff.
Dolph Ziggler vs The Miz
This match happened, nothing worth talking about here, the Miz rolls Dolph up for the win. It makes me sad how far Dolph has fallen.
Steph McMahon is out now. She says she plans to accept the Vincent J. McMahon Legacy Award of Excellence now, and that Shane can’t interrupt her this time. The crowd greet her with X-Pac heat. She yells at the crowd for a while and talks shit about Shane before getting mad and leaving. Overall, one of Steph’s best heel promos.
Lucha Dragons vs Rusev and Sheamus
Fuck off Sin Cara. He’s still shit. Anyways, Kalisto did some flippy shit before Rusev kicked his head off for the 3.
Ryback vs Adam Rose
Ryback stomps Rose for an easy win, but he’s still Gilberg.
Chris Jericho and AJ Styles vs The New Day
According to Smackdown, Y2J and Styles are a tag team now. This is dumb. They’re called Y2AJ. This is very dumb. New Day cuts a New Day promo, its pretty good. It’s a very back and forth match, very fun to watch. Eventually Kofi taps out to the Walls of Jericho. After the match Y2AJ challenge New Day to a title match and it’s booked for next week’s Raw.
Vinny Mac comes down to the ring. He talks about how Shane could have run the company, but won’t and how he’ll get Undertaker to teach him a lesson. DONG. Taker emerges and holy shit he’s looking well old. He grabs Vince’s throat and tells him that after Mania, Shane’s blood will be on Vince’s hands. Taker leaves and Vince says after Mania he will disown Shane and write him out of his will. Vince says bitch, Roman Reigns takes note. Worth mentioning that Vince looked old and frail as fuck during this segment.
Jey Uso vs Bubba Ray Dudley
A nothing match where Bubba picked up the win after a D-Von distraction.
Golden Truth segment. I am now starting to get sick of these. Rene Young is interviewing Brie Bella when Lana interrupts and talks some shit.
Kevin Owens vs Big Show
Weeeeellllllllllllllllll fuck off. Big Show is garbage and gets a count out win over Owens because fuck logic and making your IC champion look strong. Fuck this match.
Brie Bella vs Naomi
Boo this match. Brie is horrendous and there is no defending her, Naomi submits her and we can get on with our lives. Afterwards Lana comes out and sarcastically applauds Brie. Please let this feud not happen.
Backstage Becky and Sasha argue about who should be number 1 contender before Charlotte informs them they will have a rematch on Smackdown for the contendership. The Fabulous Freebirds are also announced for the Hall of Fame.
Dean Ambrose vs Alberto Del Rio
Dean comes out still selling his beat down from Brock Lesnar last week. Del Rio comes out with the League of Nations and the match gets underway. A fun scrap of a match that showed how over Ambrose is, and let Del Rio get some good heat. Triple H’s music hits mid match and he begins walking to the ring. He orders the League to jump Ambrose and they beat him down for the DQ. With Ambrose down Trips starts to scold him for being insolent, when Dean suddenly springs up and starts unloading on Trips. The crowd go nuts for this, until Dean takes a Pedigree. Triple H accepts Dean’s challenge for a title match and drops the mic next to Dean’s body. As H is walking to the back, Ambrose crawls to the mic and says “Thanks”. Trips comes back and kicks the shit out of Ambrose some more before the show ends.
Overall the show isn’t great, but no Roman Reigns so 10/10. That’s all for this week, we’ll see how poorly things are on the Road to Wrestlemania next week.