Raw Roundup: March 14, 2016

Welcome to Raw Roundup, where I watch Raw so you don’t have to.  This week’s article is going to have to have to be a short one, sorry guys.  Let’s get to it.

The show kicks off with New Day, and not an Authority promo!  Huzzah!  New Day cut a short promo talking about Booty-O’s and such before the League of Nations is out.  The League is challenging for the tag titles.

The New Day vs The League of Nations Tag Team Title Match

Rusev and Del Rio are the legal men, but Sheamus and Barrett are also at ringside.  The match isn’t much special, although it is interesting to see New Day face a team that can also use the numbers game to their advantage.  And use the numbers game they do.  In the end, Xavier Woods grabs a handful of tights to get the 3 on Rusev and retain the titles.  After the match the League beat the New Day like a rented mule, and they all perform their finishers.  Looks like a New Day face turn to me.

Something something Booty-O's
Something something Booty-O’s


Dean Ambrose is out now, and he talks about his title match with Triple H at Roadblock on Saturday.  A match where Dean pinned H for the 3, but his feet were under the ropes, which allowed Trips to rally and beat Dean.  Brock Lesnar’s music hits.  Brock and Paul Heyman come out, and Paul Heyman says Suplex City a lot.  They’re restarting this feud now, cheers.  Dean provokes Brock to the ring, and then wards him off with a crowbar.  Easy payday for Brock tonight.

The look of a man who just made an easy $200k for showing up.
The look of a man who just made an easy $200k for showing up.


Ryback vs Sin Cara

Ryback squashes Sin Cara with Kalisto at ringside.  After the match he calls Kalisto out for a match at Mania.

Stephanie McMahon comes to the ring and introduces Triple H.  Trips comes out in his suit with the belt and cuts a fantastic heel promo on the crowd.  He talks about how hope is a useless word that the losers in the audience hang on to as they go home every night and wait for death.  This promo goes to a dark place but it is truly fantastic.  Towards the end it seems like they’re building for Roman Reigns to return and interrupt Trips, but Dolph Ziggler’s music hits instead!  Ziggler comes out and he’s also wearing a suit.  He cuts a great babyface promo on Trips and Steph and really gets the crowd on his side.  At the end, Stephanie promises Dolph a match of his choice at Mania if he can beat Triple H one on one tonight!  That’s right; tonight will be Hunter’s first Raw match in over 3 years!

Looking sharp gents.
Looking sharp gents.


Sami Zayn vs The Miz

Kevin Owens is on commentary for this one.  Sami puts on a show and squashes the Miz, hitting the Helluva Kick for the 3.  After the match he has a stare down with KO.

Rene Young interviews the League of Nations, and they challenge New Day to a rematch at Wrestlemania.  No thanks.

Brie Bella and Alicia Fox vs Team BAD

This match is more Total Divas nonsense and Lana is involved again so fuck this.  Alicia Fox ate the pin, who gives a shit?

Backstage, the Social Outcasts shamelessly plug Burger King.  Fuck off.

Rene interviews Charlotte and her drunk dad, and they talk about the upcoming triple threat at Mania between Charlotte, Becky Lynch, and Sasha Banks.

The Usos vs Bo Dallas and Adam Rose

The Dudleyz are on commentary for this match.  The Usos squash the Social Outcasts and exchange some words with the Dudleyz, nothing of real importance here.

Dean is hanging out backstage with his crowbar when all of a sudden, a wild Mick Foley appears!  Foley gives Dean some advice for his street fight with Lesnar at Mania, and the two talk about the infamous Hell in a Cell match at King of the Ring 1998 (look that up if you don’t know what it is).  Foley gets a tongue in cheek pop by mentioning Pittsburgh and leaves Dean a present.  It’s a barbed-wire baseball bat.  The crowd pops big for it and chants “Foley”!  Great segment, it’s good to see Foley again.

Triple H vs Dolph Ziggler

These two put on a barn burner.  A great back and forth match where both guys sell like motherfuckers and trade convincing near falls.  Ultimately Triple H hits the Pedigree for the 3.  After the bell Roman Reigns music hits and the crowd boo the fuck out of him.  Now I do like how they booked his return though.  Reigns shows up, says nothing, and goes right after Triple H.  Reigns beats him up on the announce table, and all around the ring and even to backstage.  The whole time Reigns is acting like the bad ass he’s supposed to be, shoving officials, taking out security, and blasting Trips with all kinds of foreign objects, including a TV.  The crowd warm up to Reigns during this and it’s helped by Trips blading too.  Eventually the Usos, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry break up the brawl to some boos.  Now please always book Reigns like this.

What better way to follow this than with a Golden Truth segment.  I’m just going to ignore it.

Chris Jericho comes out and cuts an awesome heel promo.  He gives the fans shit for choosing AJ Styles over him, and says that AJ isn’t phenomenal, but Jericho is.

Chris Jericho vs Neville

This match is really short, and Y2J is in full heel mode.  Neville seemingly hurts his ankle, and Jericho gets himself DQ’d to cover for it.  Immediatly after the bell Neville is carried to the back.  Fucks sake, I really hope it’s not a serious injury.  Jericho cuts another heel promo after the match and dares the crowd to chant for AJ.  The crowd obliges.  AJ Styles must hear the chants, and he runs down and gives Jericho a flying forearm.  Oh and that’s it?  I guess the show is strapped for time.



It’s time for your main event, a promo!  What?  Yea the main event is another Vince and Shane promo featuring Undertaker.  Vince is out first.  He says he isn’t happy with the crowd reaction and gets Lilian Garcia to announce him again.  This gets a pretty good pop.  Vince talks about Shane’s plans for WWE and how they’ll never come to fruition.  Vince then introduces the Undertaker, who gets his full entrance, and fuck it’s still cool.  Taker gets a massive pop and a massive “Undertaker” chant.  Vince tells Taker never to lay a hand on him again.  Undertaker takes his coat off and does his eye rolled back spot.  Vince swiftly apologizes.  Shane O Mac’s music hits and he gets a great pop.  The crowd starts chanting for Shane and Vince tells them to shut up.  Shane tells his dad that he’s old and out of touch.  Shane tells Taker how he’s going to beat him at Mania, by using his speed and by turning his body into a weapon.  Also something about his heart and courage and whatnot.  Taker tells Shane that Shane’s best will never be enough to beat him.  Shane calls Taker Vince’s bitch.  The two start throwing down before Vince shoves Shane towards Taker so that he can eat a choke slam.  Taker goes after Vince but Vinny Mac hightails it out of there.  Undertaker’s theme plays, and that’s the end of the show.

So Undertaker showed up, Roman Reigns is back and Triple H actually had a match.  Overall a pretty good show.  See you next week!


Justin should probably be in class right now. @JerstinRob

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