WWE Survivor Series 2016 Review

survivor-series-2016-card

Hey, one of the big 4 PPV’s is finally here!  The November mainstay Survivor Series just aired and oh boy do I have some thoughts about it.  Let’s run down the card match by match.

Spoilers Ahead

We jerk the curtain with the Women’s 5 on 5 Survivor Series match.  It’s Team Raw (Bayley, Sasha Banks, Charlotte, Alicia Fox, and Nia Jax) vs Team Smackdown (Becky Lynch, Naomi, Nikki Bella, and Alexa Bliss).  JK Nikki isn’t wrestling, Natalya is.  This match wasn’t much, just a couple okay spots.  Sasha Banks gets jobbed out by Natalya very quick which the crowd didn’t really know how to react to.  The rest of the women dip in for their spots and get eliminated one after another.  Eventually Bayley last eliminates Becky with the Bayley to Belly.  After the match Charlotte attacks Bayley so they can feud.  Not a great match.

Alexa Bliss is a gem.
Alexa Bliss is a gem.

IC Title is Good

Next up was The Miz defending the IC title against hometown boy (sorta) Sami Zayn.  The Miz is on Smackdown and Sami is on Raw so the winning brand keeps the title.  The Miz has been having fantastic matches this year, and tonight was no exception.  Sami and The Miz have a great high paced match.  Plenty of great spots from both guys, including a couple of really nice Figure 4’s.  Eventually Maryse rings the bell when Sami has The Miz in the Figure 4 so Sami thinks he’s won.  The Miz then pins Sami with a small package.  Overall a good match with a good finish that makes sense.

Air Canada Hurr Durr.
Air Canada Hurr Durr.

There Are Too Many People In The Ring

Hey another 5 on 5 match.  Well no it’s a 10 on 10 match.  A Tag Team Survivor Series match that’s Team Raw (New Day, The Club, Enzo and Cass, The Shining Stars, and Sheamus and Cesaro) vs Team Smackdown (Heath Slater and Rhyno, The Usos, The Hype Bros, American Alpha, and Breezango).  This match is just a clusterfuck.  Way too many guys at ringside and in the ring just make this way too hard to follow.  Everyone is either dipping in the ring to hit their finishers or are brawling on the outside.  At the end of this mass confusion it comes down to Sheamus and Cesaro vs The Usos.  Eventually Cesaro gets the win with a Sharpshooter (cheap pop cause Toronto).  Post match Cesaro and Sheamus duel for cheers and Cesaro puts on a pai  or Hitman shades so that was nice.  Overall a complete mess of a match.

WHAT IS HAPPENING
WHAT IS HAPPENING

Little Dudes vs Bad Booking

Member the Cruiserweights?  It’s The Bryan Kendrick vs Kalisto for the Cruiserweight Championship and control of the Cruiserweight division.  Why is Kalisto even on Smackdown?  No one knows.  The two have a short but decent match before the fuck of a finish.  Baron Corbin interferes to attack Kalisto.  He makes sure to hit Kendrick before he does though, so Raw keeps the Cruiserweights.  So Corbin fucked over his own brand due to shitty writing.  Cheers.

Roman is Still Not Over

One more Survivor Series match because why the fuck not.  In a battle of main eventers, Team Raw (Seth Rollins, Chris Jericho, Kevin Owens, Braun Strowman, and Roman Reigns) vs Team Smackdown (Dean Ambrose, AJ Styles, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, Shane MacMahon, and mascot James Ellsworth).  Why is Shane wrestling?  No one knows.  There is a lot to unpack in this match.  Firstly, Strowman is an awful worker and so is Shane.  The match is the usual spotfest where two guys are in the ring hitting signatures while everyone else is on the outside selling or brawling.  Ambrose is eliminated first via Strowman doing a move.  Orton and Wyatt get Strowman on the announce table and Shane elbow drops him through.  Strowman is about to make it back in the ring before the 10 count but Ellsworth holds him back.  Braun then kills Ellsworth while onlookers cheer.  This was a good spot to get Strowman out early without pinning him.  Owens gets himself disqualified by breaking The List of Jericho over AJ’s head.  Jericho is distracted by the destruction of the list and gets RKO’d for the three.  Great spot.  Shane gets Speared by Roman coming off the top rope.  Shane fucks his head off the back of the mat and is knocked unconscious.  For realsies.  While Shane is attended to, everyone else bails to the outside to brawl.  Sucks to suck Shane.  Ambrose comes back to attack AJ because they’re feuding.  In kayfabe Ambrose either turned heel on Smackdown, or is just an idiot.  The Shield reunite for a Triple Powerbomb on Styles and AJ is eliminated.  Eventually Orton eliminates Seth by catching him in an RKO when Seth tried a Frog Splash.  Lastly Roman succumbs to the numbers game, and Team Smackdown wins it with Bray getting the clean pin!  Overall not a bad match, but a lot of weird booking decisions.  Ambrose getting jobbed out ez pz by Strowman, Ambrose betraying Smackdown, Shane being booked stronger than almost everyone.  It was weird, but fun.

Owens accepts his fate.
Owens accepts his fate.

LOL

Main event!  Goldberg vs Lesnar II.  13 years in the making etc.  Well I’m not going to pull any punches here.  Goldberg squashed Brock in 1 and a half minutes.  The fuck.  In his last match, Goldberg ended Lesnar’s streak in 3 moves.  So the PPV ended 30 minutes early, and Lesnar’s streak is broken for a one-off match.  I already don’t like Lesnar showing up and killing people because no one gets over, but this is a step above.  Also in kayfabe, this makes Goldberg, a 50-year-old man who hasn’t wrestled in over a decade, leagues better than Cena, Undertaker, Orton, etc.  What the hell?  Nevermind how pissed you’d be if you paid for a 1 minutes main event.  A ridiculous booking decision.

The fucking state of it.
The fucking state of it.

Should You Care?

Nope.  The matches on this card were mostly forgettable, and the booking was awful.  On top of that, there were no stakes to almost any of the matches.  What was really on the line in those tag matches?  Sweet fuck all.  Couple that with the main event that wasn’t even a match, and this whole show was a disappointment.  Skip it.  Let me know your thoughts on Survivor Series in the comments.

Justin

Justin should probably be in class right now. @JerstinRob

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